she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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