If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize