ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
