So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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