I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
