this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
