Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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