Small penises have feelings too.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
