She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
