1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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