wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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