Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Randomize
