I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
