remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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