maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
3pm strippers are depressing
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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