Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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