she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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