he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
