Say something about gay babies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
