Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize