haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
