Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
