I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
