To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
