A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
