I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
