whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
