She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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