remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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