Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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