True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
