I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
