Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You ever have a fart follow you around?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize