mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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