He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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