Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
