You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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