dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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