but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
