I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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