He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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