If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
