So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Randomize
