my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
