The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
