I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
