you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
