My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
