i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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