So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
