ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
