can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
