Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
