Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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