I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
