The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
