I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's the barista slut.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
