I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
