She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
