I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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