Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
They took my balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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