He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I party with great urgency now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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