Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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