I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
