My cat gives me a boner
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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