My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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